Religious nut cut off his penis to get closer to God

A Nigerian man who is a member of the Redeemed Christian Church of God, who was abstaining from food and water for a period of 21 days, took his faith to the next level.
 
He claimed that his weenie was preventing him from getting closer to God due to little erections occurring on daily basis. He cut his dick off with a machete.

Neighbors who had witnessed the incident attacked him, thinking he wanted to use his manhood to perform a ritual.

He reportedly said: “The penis has a mind of its own and it is capable of doing things which are totally out of my control. It usually gets erect every now and then, and konji sets in. And you know that konji is one of the things that leads people into sin. The erections were making me weaker spiritually and in the fast. That is why I cut it off. Even Jesus Christ said that we should cut off anything which will make us sin," he explained further.
 
 In the hospital he said he hoped hoping his penis will grow back on his body after the 21 days of fasting and prayers.

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Man on drugs thinks his penis is trying to kill him

As far as we know, he did not cut it off.

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Teenager with world's biggest penis had it reduced

A 17-year-old American boy has undergone what apparently is the world's first penis reduction surgery. He requested the surgery after his penis grew so large it restricted his ability to have sex or play competitive sports.

The boy's doctors were shocked when he came to them complaining that his penis was too big. When flaccid, it measured almost seven inches in length and had a circumference of 10 inches -- about the size of a grapefruit.
Surgeons described it as being shaped like a football.
The surgeon who treated the teenager said, "There comes a time in every urologist's career that a patient makes a request so rare and impossible to comprehend that all training breaks down and leaves the physician speechless. That question was 'can you make my penis smaller'? It sounds like a man's dream - a tremendously inflated phallus -- but unfortunately although it was a generous length, it's girth was just massive, especially around the middle."

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Pissed-off new bride cut off husband's penis

After an argument in India, a newly wedded woman cut off her husband's penis while he was sleeping.

Police reports state that the young couple had quarreled at night, and at around 2 am, the wife calmly sliced her husband's manhood in an attempt at revenge.

As the man screamed in pain and began bleeding profusely, he was rushed to the local government hospital in Nayagarh, where he was given treatment.

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photo from Reddit

Woman charged in killer penis enhancement faces new charges of injecting silicone into woman’s T&A

Kasia Rivera allegedly killed a man when she injected his penis with silicone in a botched enhancement procedure in 2011.

She was charged with unauthorized practice of medicine, and had her bail raised to $200,000 Tuesday, for injecting silicone into a woman's buttocks and breasts up to four times over the last two years, prosecutors allege.

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Indian Boy's Penis Chopped Off For Public Peeing

Sure, we've heard of thieves in Muslim countries having hands cut off as punishment for stealing, but should de-dicking be the punishment for outdoor peeing?

A five-year-old boy's penis was removed for urinating in a field in Uttar Pradesh, Northern India.

According to the police report, Ritesh, 5, son of a laborer named Sheshram, wandered into a field and was caught urinating by the owner, Durgesh Maurya, who beat him up and chopped off his penis.

The profusely bleeding boy somehow reached home and raised an alarm and was immediately rushed to a nearby hospital.

The boy's father has lodged a complaint with the police against the owner of the field and his son.

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Man put metal balls in his penis for better sex

A 44-year-old Malaysian man, who embedded 10 ball bearings in his penis to enhance his sexual prowess, was forced to have them removed when he failed to get an erection for almost six months.

Upon removal, the man, known as Ramli, was shocked to find the tiny balls had become rusty. 

He said he was inspired to embed the bearings through self-surgery after a friend, who claimed to have done it, boasted of his sexual stamina.

Ramli said he peeled off part of the skin with a knife and planted the ball bearings around the base of his penis.

“My private part swelled up for three days but I endured the pain and didn’t see a doctor,” he said. He claimed that it worked for a while and he satisfied many women after the wound healed.

Months later, he began to feel excruciating pain and sought help from a doctor, who advised him to surgically remove the bearings or be impotent for life.

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Witches told man to cut off his penis

Frustrated with his inability to have sex, Wahab Sa’adu, a 35-year-old man in Nigeria, has reportedly cut off his penis with a razor blade.

Sa'adu said that he was acting on the instructions of witches who appeared to him in his dreams, telling him to cut off his penis since he was impotent.

"Prior to the incident, I had a dream in which three unidentified women appeared to me and ordered that I drink battery acid, which I did the following morning without the knowledge of anyone.

Three days after, I had another dream where the same women ordered me to wake up and cut off my manhood. It was after cutting it off that I regained consciousness. So I rushed home for immediate remedy." 

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Thanks to Stewart Levine for the news tip.

Man collected millions for microwaved penis

A California man was awarded 13 million dollars after a treatment at Vanderbilt University Medical Center went horribly wrong, making it necessary for physicians to amputate his penis. 

The patient, diagnosed with a swollen prostate, went into the hospital for a routine one-hour treatment, but came out with a badly burned penis after the microwave-style device malfunctioned.

The device, known as the Pros-ta-tron system, involves channeling microwave-energy through a catheter in the urethra, in order to burn off excess prostate cells. During the treatment the device slipped, causing microwaves to be directed at his penis, rather than the prostate. Tucker's penis was reportedly so badly burned that he was bed-ridden for nearly a month. 32 days following the botched treatment, it had to be amputated.

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Viking warriors had trouble if their penises were too small or too large.

They raped and pillaged their way across Europe. But Viking warriors were sexually insecure, consumed with performance angst and troubled by the thought that size really did matter. 

Being hung like a Norse was key to social hierarchy and being considered a real man in 10th-century Icelandic society, according to a new paper, "Size Matters: Penile Problems in Sagas of Icelanders," presented to the International Medieval Congress in Leeds n 2004.

To complicate matters further, it was as unmanly to have an outsized penis as an undersized one. In the 13th-century Njal's Saga, the warrior Hrutr Herjolfsson is cursed by a jealous queen with an erection too big for intercourse with his bride.

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Sorry. Even a very sensitive penis can't read Braille

Professor David J. Linden is the author of Touch: The Science of Hand, Heart, and Mind. 

In an interview with Terry Gross on NPR he discussed the specialized nerves on the human body.

He pointed out that while fingers can read braille, penises cannot. Someone actually conducted an experiment to investigate this. If you care to verify, check for cameras before you whip out your dick in an elevator.

Men should not be jealous of the opposite sex. Lady parts can't read, either.

I just bought the book. Based on the interview, I expect to enjoy it -- even if I can't read it with my weenie.

Jewish and Italian penises

“Schmuck” is the Jewish term for a penis or a fool. A "schmeckel" is a small one. "Putz" is also a Jewish term for both. A "petzel" is a small one.

An Italian word that I can't spell accurately but sounds like chedrool serves as both penis and fool, too. 

Here's a schmuck joke: Bernie lived in Miami Beach. He had an acquaintance, Tony, who was very good looking and had great “luck” with all the women in town. As Bernie was feeling lonely and desiring some female companionship, he asks Tony for advice.

Tony, actually disliking Bernie, decides to steer him the wrong way. He tells Bernie that a great way to attract women is to get noticed and a sure fire way would be to dress up in a safari outfit and get a camel and parade up and down Collins Ave. Bernie took the advice, looked totally, absolutely, ridiculously foolish, but being oblivious to that, he continued his jaunts for a full month. 

Every night Bernie would tie the camel to a lamppost outside his condominium. One morning he goes to get the camel and it’s missing. He guesses it’s probably stolen. He calls the police and the first question they ask is "What color was your camel?" Bernie says he doesn't remember. "Maybe some sort of a brownish camel color”.

"And how many humps did this camel have?' asks the policeman.

"Who counts. One or two, I don't remember."

"What was the height of the camel?"

"Now I’m suppose to know how tall it was? Maybe the camel was about 9 or 10 feet tall. I don’t know for sure.”

"OK, here’s the last question to finish my report. Was the camel male or female?" Bernie answers, “The camel was definitely a male.”

"How can you be so certain of his sex when you don't remember anything else about your camel" asks the cop. 

"Well," says Bernie, " Every day I'd ride the camel through the streets of Miami Beach and people would stop and say to each other, 'Look at the schmuck on that camel!' "

More dirty Jewish talk in Dirty Yiddish: Everyday Slang from "What's Up?" to "F*%# Off!" by my friend Adrienne Gusoff 

More dirty Italian talk in Dirty Italian: Everyday Slang from "What's Up?" to "F*%# Off!"  by Gabrielle Euvino