"If it weren't for the penis, human life would have ended with Adam and Eve.
It seems strange that something so important is so funny-looking.
I'm an author and journalist. Sometimes I write about funny things.
Some of those funny things are penises."
--Michael N. Marcus

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Gang member died after trying to gold-plate his penis

NOTE TO OUR DEAR READERS: It is extremely likely that this report is false, but it is simply too good not to publish in WWPN. It is one of those news items that "even if it's not true, it should be."

An L.A. gang member, Nazario Conchuza Gonzalez, who is part of the infamous Ms-13 gang, also called Mara Salvatrucha, has died of medical complications after attempting to gold-plate his own dick to celebrate his 17th birthday.

He is originally from El Salvador and was an active member of the MS-13 crime family. He is believed to have attempted to gold-plate his weenie with a professional automotive gold-plater stolen from a local garage.

 He was allegedly a fan of the 2002 comedy movie Goldmember, which is a loose parody of James Bond films.

Dr. Ian Joseffson of the Los Angeles Community Hospital warns of a growing trend within gang members to attempt the “deadly operation.”

“This is the third case this year . . . . It seems to be a growing trend within the gang member community”

He told reporters, “I have no idea where this idea comes from but plating one’s own genitals will only ultimately end in serious medical complications or even death, as we have seen in this case”

Some experts believe the tradition might find it’s roots in prehistoric Mesoamerican cultures, such as the Mayas who painted parts of their bodies with gold paint to empower themselves and as an offering to the Gods.


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